Extroverts and Introverts Communicate

Joyce Richman joined SOAR as guest speaker on Febuary 23. A former 8th grade Jewish day school teacher in Beverly Hills, she was delighted to visit B'nai Shalom. She remembered doing some substitute teaching at B'nai Shalom in the early days of the school's history. Joyce now does career counseling for adults and leadership training.

Joyce referred back to the Myers Brigg personal style inventory completed by the class several weeks ago when describing extroverts and introverts. "Introverts," she said, "think before they speak. Extroverts do not." Students were asked to define themselves as introverts or extroverts. As they raised their hands, Nicole checked their self-assessments with their actual Myers Briggs results.

Extroverts in the class suggested that introverts were "shy." Joyce differentiated between introverted and shy, and reminded students to be mindful of the source of the introverted behavior - thinking before speaking. Extroverts might want to say, "I haven't thought this through yet but..." letting the listeners know that they have not yet finished their thought. "Effective communication," she said, "will have enormous influence on those around you. Who is a good communicator and what does that person do that is so effective?" Samuel suggested that President Barak Obama is a good communicator, using clear language to discuss complex issues. Matt suggested that our constant exposure and familiarity with his style made us find him a good speaker. In other words, the relationship between the president and the public - visibility - made him a good communicator to his audience.

Students learned that leading and communicating require visibility. Jessie added that the president's body language made him a good communicator. Kendell mentioned eye contact as a key way to develop a relationship with the person who is talking, adding that "Eye contact makes you listen more beause of the physical connection." Dima noted that eye contact was tuned in to the rest of the body language.

Joyce cautioned the students to be mindful of their own body language: crossing arms indicating closed emotions; open arms indicating openness to conversation. "Communicating is about negotiation," she said. After Matt said that body language can indicate being genuine, Joyce asked the students to think about the individuals they know who connect with them in a genuine way and use them as models. Dima suggested that Matt is a good communicator because he uses language that all are able to understand. Smiling, nodding, encouraged the relationship building that Matt does. Joyce mentioned that body language may also work against the intended message, such as someone who nods when he/she really means, "no."

Students discussed that some individuals take in information through their tactile senses. People who are intuitive pick up information through sensing. This may conflict with people who trust facts. These two groups may conflict in discussing information. Students were asked whether or they defined themselves as intuitive or fact-driven.

Joyce asked students to define good communication techniques. Listening to others, commenting on the opinions of others (building on others' comments without negativity), good eye contact, not forcing someone to say something until he/she is ready were all added to the list. Joyce connected leadership to mindfiulness - because others observe what we do.

Judy challenged the class to observe their teachers for the rest of the day and note any non-verbal comminication messages they received.

Diversity in Leadership

Johan Naude, Coaching Talent Manager for CCL in Greensboro, visited SOAR this morning. Today's topic was diversity - appreciating and respecting various perspectives contributing to the success of a team. In the first class activity, Johan instructed students to find objects from A to Z in the science room. Moving slowly during this 8 AM session, students gradually warmed up towards zipping around the room searching for creative answers to Johan's challenge. After piling the A-Z objects on a desk, students noted that the activity resulted in diverse solutions to the question - i.e. renaming objects to fit the letter and working together to come up with answers.

What does it mean to be different? Johan noted that when one identifies with a group, one often gravitates those with similar opinions. He compared working with a homogenous group to the advantages of working with a heterogenous team.

Johan then asked, "Are intentions observed by others - or behaviors?" Students filled out the MBTI last week, with the results serving as the basis for discussion of intentions and behaviors. Johan advised the students to be intential (using kavannah) in their choices of behavior. "The more you understand who you are," he said, "the more likely you are to change your behavior to achieve the desired result."

In a second activity, students were divided into two groups based on their MBTI results. Each group received a bag of M&Ms with instructions to build a house. The two houses were quite different (see the pictures), and students spent some time reflecting on the differences between them. The "judging preference" table took an organized approach to building their house, dividing jobs between them. The "perceiving preference" group took a more free flowing approach and quickly built their house, comfortably adding additional pieces. All of the students agreed that bringing aspects of the two approaches into a single project might bring about the best result.

Hebrew Wisdom and Leadership: Authenticity and Self-Awareness

Rabbi Tzipi Radonsky broached the subject of waking up in the morning to a group of sleepy eighth graders this morning. She divided the class into "alefs" and "bets" and asked them to describe how they started the day. They then evaluated how authentic they were in describing the day to each other, recognizing that familiarity allows for greater authenticity.

Jessie said, "Authenticity and self-awareness are characteristics that leaders should have." Tzipi answered with the story of Zusia and Elimelech. "When I get to heaven, they will ask me why I wasn't more like Zusia," explaining that the rabbis picked Zusia to tell the story of authenticity and to emphasize that each person must be himself or herself.

Tzipi reminded students that Moshe was told, "Take your shoes off your feet; you are standing on holy ground." "In the Torah," she said, "every word is there for a reason." Why, then, are the words "off your feet" necessary? The Hebrew word for shoe, "na-al" נעל comes from the root "to lock, or to hold in," and the word for foot, "regel" רגל comes from the Hebrew word for "pattern." Tzipi continued, "To be on holy ground, then, is to be authentic. Know the patterns that hold you. Find your comfortable patterns."

Leadership depends on core values. Students chose their top three values in yesterday's session; Tzipi reminded them that these may change over time. "Each one of you," she said, "has a mission."

Students also participated in an exercise called Social Identity Map. They filled out sheets defining their social identities, marking those characteristics they thought would make them good leaders as well as those that might challenge them in leadership.

A few student ideas of what attributes would make them better leaders:

• Dima: a good education


• Jessie: do well in school


• Russell: academics
• Jake: be a good friend


• Evan S.: a good education


• Evan B.: being smart
• Micah: being 13 - young is what I am


• Jennie: education
• Matt: friendliness
• Samuel: education.

Tzipi reminded them that leaders need left-brain and right-brain attributes in order to truly succeed at leadership.Students mentioned characteristics that might inhibit leadership: youth, talking a lot (not listening), bad (physical) vision, confusion, place in family (youngest child).

As the hour drew to a close, students examined their core values and identified those that might be useful in leading others: knowledge, self-respect, happiness, achievement, wisdom ("being smart"), patience, independence.

What is Leadership?

Eighth grade SOAR met today to learn about leadership skills from Susan Pinsker, adjunct faculty at the Center for Creative Leadership. This session kicks off the second half of SOAR, focusing on leadership development. Students defined a leader as:

• Someone who leads and has followers


• Someone who thinks for him or herself


• A person who makes decisions independently


• Someone who is trustworthy


• A person who sets an example


• A person who is independent


• "The boss"

"Leadership is the art of motivating a group of people to act towards a common goal," Susan taught, before teaching the tool of "mind-mapping." This idea was developed by Tony Buzan in 1971. After dividing into two groups, students used mind-mapping to visualize what a leader is - and is not.

Team Chance's mind map for leadership included trust to reach a common goal, imagination and an open mind, knowledge, taking charge and making change, idea and always thinking, setting an example and using one's heart.

The "non-leader" team said that immaturity, lack of seriousness, assertiveness and independence impeded leadership. They also pointed to bullying, passivity as negatives. Those who cannot take charge, are unreliable and confused will not rise to leadership, according to the non-leader team.

Both mind-maps will be re-visited at the end of the course to see if student positions have changed.

What happens when a leader is unethical? The discussion turned to sports figures and unethical behavior. Students debated whether or not Tiger Woods was a leader, and whether his charitable giving outweighed immoral behavior in other arenas. An exercise in values helped them determine their priorities. Students sorted cards into three categories: always valued, seldom valued and never valued, eventually narrowing cards into the top ten, top five values and finally the top three values. Susan gave each student a journal to use for reflection on today's values discussion. Students wrote their top three values on the first page of the notebook. Homework was assigned. "When did your behavior this week match your top three values? What did you notice about when your behavior matched your top three values? What did you notice when your behavior did not match your top three values?" Students were asked to remain observant about their own behavior in order to chart their leadership development.

Susan bid the students farewell until the ninth leadership session in which she will sum up the course.